Sunday, March 23, 2008
About Grieving
Following the death of my wife last November I have been attending a weekly grieving session sponsored by the hostice group that cared for my wife during the last two months of her life. Other members of the grieving session, or group, have also lost their husbands or wives during the past year. I find that crying is a normal expression for all the group members. Some cry more readily than others.
One man told me (I don't know whether he is a member of the grieving group or a friend in some other way) that he has placed photos of his late wife on all the walls of his house. I've thought about doing something like that. I might have an enlargement of a favorite picture of my wife on the wall next to my computer. Perhaps I will do that some day. Right now I am still in the stage of grieving that I cry when I see her picture. When I reach the stage where I will smile with pleasure when I look at her picture, then I will mount here on the wall. I do not know now whether that day will ever come. Perhaps I will always cry a little when I think of her.
For me, grieving did not start when she died. It started nearly a year earlier. One day about a year ago I took her to our favorite restaurant for dinner. We had been eating there occasionally for the past ten or more years. As time went on, she had less and less appetite and I found it more and more difficult to choose food that she could and would eat. (By the way, the restaurant was a buffet.) Finally, about a year ago, we went to that restaurant for the last time. On that occasion, I couldn't find anything that she would eat. I think she may have eaten a spoon or two of ice cream. Toward the end, she preferred sweet things to eat. I realized then that we could never again eat together in a restaurant. I also realized that our time together was limited and that the end was not far off. I hoped that perhaps we could still have two years together. We had eight months.
One man told me (I don't know whether he is a member of the grieving group or a friend in some other way) that he has placed photos of his late wife on all the walls of his house. I've thought about doing something like that. I might have an enlargement of a favorite picture of my wife on the wall next to my computer. Perhaps I will do that some day. Right now I am still in the stage of grieving that I cry when I see her picture. When I reach the stage where I will smile with pleasure when I look at her picture, then I will mount here on the wall. I do not know now whether that day will ever come. Perhaps I will always cry a little when I think of her.
For me, grieving did not start when she died. It started nearly a year earlier. One day about a year ago I took her to our favorite restaurant for dinner. We had been eating there occasionally for the past ten or more years. As time went on, she had less and less appetite and I found it more and more difficult to choose food that she could and would eat. (By the way, the restaurant was a buffet.) Finally, about a year ago, we went to that restaurant for the last time. On that occasion, I couldn't find anything that she would eat. I think she may have eaten a spoon or two of ice cream. Toward the end, she preferred sweet things to eat. I realized then that we could never again eat together in a restaurant. I also realized that our time together was limited and that the end was not far off. I hoped that perhaps we could still have two years together. We had eight months.
Labels: grieving; hospice care; grieving group
